This past year re-taught me a lot of life lessons in a new light. One of them was to ignore the advice of “matching someone’s energy”.
This advice is only effective when people care enough about their personal integrity and constantly enjoy becoming and doing better. But if this advice is followed in dealing with any other person, not only will you be “matching someone’s energy” for a long time you will also end up losing yourself.
You see, how is it that we expect someone who wronged us to model good enough behavior for us that will help us become better people? they couldn’t even “right” you, so why are we okay with following their example and modelling their behavior to match their energy? It is a losing game.
When we match energy of someone who’s not okay with growing yet, we will be doing things we’re not okay with doing, things that go against your own personal values in hopes that maybe they notice and do better. Once you realize what you’ve done to match their not-great energy, you will just end up disliking yourself for stooping lower than your own ideals.
Gotta let it go. In situations like this, it helps to remember that we treat people well for the sake of Allah. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. This statement has truth to it. If you know better, why not do better? Leave the “matching of energies” and what not to Allah when we accept Him as All-Seeing and the Best of Judges. Protecting your integrity matters more.
With time, life changes, people change, and our social circles change also. A point of concern is if you’ve reduced yourself to someone else’s energy, how will you become and feel like a part of any new people in your life who have better habits and manners? You will not feel like a part of them though you want to. If we want good company, at least we must try to become good company until we find people similar to or better than us.
Kindness does not equal blindness either. Being kind doesn’t mean to not take note of someone’s poor treatments and complacently keep taking their hits. Kindness is not dumbness. It does not mean to expect a mistreating person to suddenly change for you because you were kind.
No, it is more like discipline and a practice of patience. It is to intentionally choose a way of being when your ego is too hurt to continue doing the right thing because that is the kind of person you want to be. It has nothing to do with the other person. That is what builds personal integrity.
What I do reflects on my character, what other people do reflects on their character.
(generally speaking. of course life happens and humans can’t be perfect!)
Life is temporary. Integrity serves you a lifetime. Allah’s pleasure is forever. And this is a lesson that life tests us on over and over again.
Faiza 