God, do you exist?

Who decided that the trees be green, and the sky blue?

And who decided that gravity means we walk on the earth, and not the sky?

Who decided what the laws of nature do, and those who don’t follow them fall to their demise?

Who decided to create human life on this planet, just like a video-gamer drops his character into the fictional landscape to play the game?

Hey God, do you exist?

Why is it that when I feel weak and too helpless to face the world, I feel the need for you to exist to take away my anxiety?

Do you really exist?

Was it you who engineered the cells in the body to destroy themselves before they go awry and start damaging the body? If so, what about those who suffer because that engineering design failed for them? How do you justify their pain? Why create laws of nature that cause pain for your creation? Is there a larger reason for that?

Do you exist?

I feel funny asking you this question in my prayers, because in my mind, the underlying assumption while praying seems to be that the person who is praying believes in your existence…

And if you exist, why did you make it so hard to find you?

Because when I try to rationalize why you might exist or not exist, or what religion may be true or not true, my mind only ends up in a jumble of thoughts.

And when I look at the option of studying those religions, all that seem to claim to be truthful, I see a mountain load of intellectual work. A very long quest for truth. Is that quest even worth embarking on? What if it is fruitless in the end and I wasted my short life away? And even if I do embark on this journey, I keep sensing that no amount of knowledge could satiate me, other than a strong and unquestionable feeling of conviction in my heart.

How come each religion claims to be the most truthful one? What if each religion only has droplets of truth that lets you take advantage of natural laws for yourself? Logic and emotions can both fail us, since the user of these tools, i.e. the human being, is bound to make mistakes in their execution.

God, do you exist? It is easy to be distracted from this question if you are living comfortably enough, or have an idea about how to deal with your problem, or if your big ego covers up the discomfort of not knowing the answer to this question for you.

But for those who are helpless in front of external circumstances that continue to crush their strength, -the innocent people caught in the middle of a war with nowhere to go and no way to defend themselves, the person afflicted with life threatening disease with no cure, the child who lost his loving parent- the pain in their crushed hearts is too present for them to let go of the notion that you might exist, and that turning to you may give them the comfort and safety they so desperately need.

So tell me. Do you exist, God? Or is it a joke that I pray to a fictional being hoping to ask him to confirm his existence?

I think that the way the laws of nature are set up, and how humans in a state of despondency and despair need something much more solid and bigger than themselves to believe in and depend upon, You SHOULD exist. I hope You do.